It's Okay To Not Be Okay

It's really okay to not be okay.  Not every single day will be our ideal; not a bad thing, but a fact of life.  Sometimes, I need to stop and realize that in fact, I'm not okay in that moment. It takes me a few days to identify and admit it; but then I set about accepting this and moving forward.
I was thinking about my children a lot this week and all of the drama I have been through with them.  Even though I have accepted things in my heart; does not mean it won't still hurt some days.  The feelings are justified because they are real; this is not some ego-based nonsense.  I digress: my heart is open and I have no secrets to reveal.  Missing my role in my children's lives was not choice I wanted to make.  That is, until my role was so diminished; I had to decide what would hurt me less and in the long run I know my decision was right.  Still, I have a scar that will always be there and that is what it is.  All I can do is live my life and be the best David I can be.  Loving my family is unconditional and I am grateful that the people I surround myself with love me the same way; as I love them.  As I have said; it's okay to not be okay sometimes.  Today is a new day and I am not missing out on it. I am getting a little better by sharing and with each word that I type.  Thanks for reading and listening. Happy to report that good things are always a constant in life!

Take a Break...

Today is the perfect day to take a break.  Relax, read a book, watch a movie; even do some laundry.  All without any kind of stress involved.  Giving you some much-needed peace; even taking a nap!  You deserve at least that; no hassles and no drama.  Being that today is also a Saturday, this seems more apropos; unless it is a workday, then another day perhaps.  I feel that constantly, we are going, going, going; yet we do not slow down long enough to catch up to ourselves.  Why not do just that - sit down, maybe jot some ideas & feelings that are trying to get out.  Just enjoy the present moment, take a deep breath and chill out.  It will totally slow you down and possibly put you at ease.  At least, that is my experience.  Hope that you will get a chance to do this and that it gives you the break you all deserve.  Happy Saturday.

Giving Is Much Better Than Receiving

For long as I've heard it, I have always identified with the saying "it is better to give, than receive".  In living this way, it has opened up the world in ways I never dreamed of; I am not even speaking in terms of material possessions at all here.  In fact, it is the way to "Live Simply".
I look at it like this: how nice it feels to give somebody a helping hand and see the smile on their face as they say "thank you"; or even the simple act of holding the door for people and they smile.  These unselfish gestures continue to give back; because whether or not we realize how paying it forward works or karma or call it what you will - the good vibrations keep reverberating in the best ways.  Plus, the warm feeling that I get from being kind and considerate make me smile all the time. This is one of the ways the goodness keeps coming back; long as you are selfless and kind to others, it always will.  I love that! 
Having nice things is all good and well; but in the end - it's just stuff.  

Losing a best friend...

In life, there will always be two things; love and loss.  Last Friday, I experienced a loss.  In fact, we all did.  Our furry beloved dog, Whiskey, passed away.  If was in the morning and he was thought to still be asleep.  We can only pray that his passing was painless for Whiskey.  He was such an amazing and sweet dog.  Happy, loving and loyal.  This hit all of us very hard.  I do not know what one can say about losing a pet; that any pet owner doesn't know.  
Still, I have moments where I look for him and then realize he is gone.  Little things that are just memories of our departed friend; they are fresh in my mind.  He will always be remembered with love and he was the best dog one could ever ask for.  I will miss him very much.  We all do already and the house much quieter; strangely so, without him there.  We love you Whiskey.  You'll always be my boy, my good boy.  Love you.

You Deserve a Break...

As we rolled right into this awesome new year of 2013; it had occurred to me that rolling was literally the state of affairs. We had not even - and by that I mean at home - taken so much as one day to rest. This is after a very long stretch at the end of the year; starting with the hurricane, being homeless due to our home being destroyed, then after close to 2 months, finally moving into our own home again. Wait, there were also holidays thrown in there, too and lastly the passing of my Mom at the end of November. If I start to add all of that up, I get tired just thinking about it. We also got our new home fixed up with all the touches it needed to make it a true home. With all that, we have not stopped long enough to even enjoy it! After talking about this with Maryellen this morning; we decided not only do we deserve a break - but we needed one and are taking one. No to-do lists, worrying about things that can wait or running around. no; instead will be sloth-like and cocoon ourselves voluntarily in glorious comfort. Slowing down is not only a suggested activity, but it can also be rewarding. I am looking very much forward to it people!! Have an awesome day!!

This Time of Year...

Normally, the holidays are supposed to he a happy time. However, that is not the case for everybody. Stress is one factor; but for me, I am silently feeling the pull of inner demons about family and it can be a burden. It has always affected me during the holiday season; even though I am aware, it tends to grab me. I am doing my best to embrace all that is good and not let the past do anything but teach me.  Still, behind my smile there is also history; pain & experience. On the sunny side; my heart is truly happy & very grateful.  I know that my path may not be the easiest, but it shaped me into who I am today.

I still do my best to leave the past there, but some days can be harder than others. I'm grateful for my lessons & experiences; they have shaped me into the person I am today. 

Hope everybody has a wonderful holiday season and be safe.  Much love to you all.

The New Normal... My thoughts on Sandy...

Well, it has been more than a few weeks now & memories of the event still haunt me. I push through each day with a determination not to fall apart. I do my best to be strong. But instead of getting a little easier each day; it seems to be getting more difficult. It may also be going in and out of shock; about what we have been through.  I know it will get easier; just a period of adjustment.
That all being said; I am still grateful for being alive and healthy. for being able to express my feelings. and for having such amazing friends in our lives; fully surrounding us with love and rallying for us.

11-26-12

As I watched the slow coming of the dawn; I was quietly contemplating & taking inventory of my life. yesterday, my mother passed away & not that it came as a shock; but the fact that I'm in shock. She was in a special facility that dealt with dementia & other age-related problems. I truly believe she gave up & no longer wanted to live; in a way that was far from who she was. my father is so fragile now; even though I am in mourning, he lost his best friend & is beyond upset. I lost my mother & that's where I'm in shock. hard to be exactly prepared for that kind of news; no matter what. love and loss are an everyday part of life. it touches each one of us & we are affected in different ways...
from now on, when I look at the sunrise; I will wonder if my mother is looking at me through the sunshine.