Thursday, November 21, 2013

Sometimes, it's hard to express what's inside my head...

To start, we know I have already gone on record as not being a huge fan of holidays.  Well people, it's time to drill down on what's been really eating at me for all these years when it does come to that.  Let's start with my children.  Now, I don't care if this sound callous or more like an asshole; but since I have no relationship with them at this point - thanks to their brilliant mothers - it eats me alive.  Only, that is, if I let it.  I know I am powerless over the games people play,  but by using their children as bargaining chips (seriously?!) or better yet & my favorite:  lying to them and convincing them that their father doesn't want to see them; how completely insane is that?!  I am not one to throw mud, but I am one who tells the truth and that is it, my friends.  Forget about my dysfunctional family, everybody has that in some form or another, even if they choose not to notice, which is perfectly cool.  I have made some very hard decisions in my life and if those were not made, I would be literally insane at this point.  Do not get me wrong, being a Father was really such a great joy for the years it lasted and it's original form.  Divorce can wreak havoc on people, families (obviously) and we all deal with it differently.  I know that, in my heart of hearts, that I did whatever I could to be with my children, love them and not that I failed, but things did not work out.  That requires another route and that's what I had to do.  Judge me and you best be looking in a mirror with your white gloves on; in other words: don't even try... nobody knows what it is like being in another person's shoes, unless they are that very person.  I always loved Plato's quote: "be kind, everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle"; for the very reason not to judge.  Empathy, now that's a refreshing way to look at things and kindness, especially.  At any rate, I am becoming a fan of holidays, because the things which once dragged me will no longer do that.  I pulled the plug on their flickering light.  It's a process and I am living it.  Hey, progress, not perfection here.  It also makes me a lot more aware of the world around me and the people that truly care about me.  They are priceless and can not be replaced, ever.
So, as the lazy blogger I am this year, I thought this was important to share.  I am actually looking forward to  Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas, too.  That's right, you heard it here first, right from the Kugey's mouth.  I hope all of you who actually take time to read this, get nothing but the best possible quality time with your families and all your loved ones.  You're all awesome to me, no matter what...

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