When I have seen a pattern of my behavior that is no OK; it is time I stopped what I was doing and look at what I have done. I have have my share of the average ups and downs this year; combined with some rather exaggerated ones. Still learning to be aware of triggers, I don't always fare so well. In fact; I feel as if there are certain deep-seated anger issues or even emotionally painful ones. They are not new; they have been hiding inside me for years. Before I could even dare to address a single one. I do my best each day to live fully and not hurt anybody. This morning, I was thinking as if I had anger management issues. Seriously; as I do have a temper sometimes. It has gotten a lot better, but seems to be getting a little worse again. I know better than to let anything occupy space in my head for free; however, I still have trouble identifying some of it. In fact, when I start to come unglued, it's more like I become a 3-year old; without a nap & not getting their way. Sounds lovely, right? Of course not and it is also hurtful to others; unacceptable and not how or who I want to be.
I have learned not to blame anything, anyone or make anything an excuse for behaving badly. I need to own that straight up. That's always a good first step to progress; although it needs to be followed by more work and I am willing to improve myself by doing it. I am truly sorry if I have hurt anybody; for it is not a malicious act, but I am still admitting my wrongs. Now, as the weekend approaches (yay!); I have another chance to live the right way and to spread light, not act like, well, an asshole. That being said; I'm grateful for whoever is reading this and I am in the moment today. Thank you.